"Most people respect the badge. Everyone respects the gun." – "Righteous Kill" Review

“Righteous Kill”
2008
** out of ****
Director: Jon Avnet
Cast: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson

Among all of the great matchups in history, I don’t think anyone doesn’t want to see two of the greatest actors of all-time, Robert De Niro and Al Pacino, star in the same movie together. Since “The Godfather Part II,” people have been waiting for these two actors to appear not only in the same movie, but together. Fans got their wish more than twenty years later in Michael Mann’s “Heat” for a five minute scene. Thirteen years later, Al Pacino and Robert De Niro have been brought together to play a role that they play best – cops – in the new Jon Avnet film “Righteous Kill.”

All seriousness aside, I cracked up when I typed “the new Jon Avnet” film. For those of you who don’t know who Jon Avnet is, he directed “Fried Green Tomatoes” back in the 90s and hasn’t had a great movie since. He did some TV stuff here and there, but aside from that the guy dropped off the face of the earth after the 90s. Before “Righteous Kill,” however, he released another film back in April of this year called “88 Minutes,” also starring Pacino. And you know me – I’m not one to criticize film or anything, but that film was funnier than “Pineapple Express,” and that was SUPPOSED to be funny.

You would think that Jon Avnet would work a little bit harder to bring this duo onto the big-screen together, but still, “Righteous Kill” is a bloated mess. The acting is alright for the most part, but the storyline, the script, and the twists really get in the way of the film. It seems like it was a made-for-TV movie, which would have probably worked better for the guy because he’s pretty good at them I guess. I think that the only REAL positive thing that I have to say about “Righteous Kill” is that it is much better than “88 Minutes,” but that’s not really all that hard.

Detectives Turk (Robert De Niro) and Rooster (Al Pacino) are investigating a case where a killer is killing criminals who have “gotten off the hook.” A while before this movie takes place, Turk and Rooster watch a man get off on a rape charge of a ten year old girl, and they plant a gun in his house so he is later arrested and sent to jail for life. Surprisingly, all of these murders are somehow connected to Turk, but Rooster guarantees everyone that he is not the killer. Oh, and it is so much simpler than the premise allows it to be.

Right off the bat Robert De Niro jumps on camera and says that he confesses to these murders. Okay, so if he REALLY did it, then it would be time to pack it up and call it a day, because we already had the end of the movie and didn’t need to see the rest. But it turns out that Jon Avnet turns the tables and keeps throwing curves at our heads. Not to mention that he is doing it sloppily, but the fact that he is doing it at all is just unbearable. The last time that he tried to make a good twist was in that other Al Pacino movie. You want to know who did the killings in that movie? A lesbian… and unless if you paid attention to shitty dialogue, you would have never figured it out.

Not surprisingly, “Righteous Kill” still has a shitty script to it. Screenwriter Russell Gewirtz (who made the almighty “Inside Man” two years ago) has created such a script where he would rather focus on these two detectives making jokes at Italians and calling them Guidos instead of watching them trying to figure out this mystery. The dialogue is flawed and very laughable. The script makes these detectives seem like that instead of saving the day they would rather joke around. Oh, and then there is the occasional cliché where they fight with other detectives assigned to the case, played by Donnie Wahlberg and John Leguizamo.

A subplot that goes nowhere deals with a drug-dealer named Spider played by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. Now, while I have no idea what the hell this character is about, I’m just trying to figure out why the hell they would cast this tool to play the role. If “Get Rich Or Die Tryin” proved anything, it was to assume that 50 Cent should stay away from the camera. Now we have even more proof why he should stick to rapping… or better yet, why he should just drop everything he does for a living in general and go back to selling drugs on the street.

But what I’m about to tell you is something that you will never believe to hear from anyone, but for a film starring Robert De Niro and Al Pacino in the same movie together… it sucks. Okay, so they have chemistry together, but this is De Niro and Pacino that we’re talking about here. These guys haven’t had a single great film since De Niro starred in “Jackie Brown” and Pacino starred in “The Insider.” The problem is that these guys can play the role of the detective in their sleep. It seems like that they have been sleeping throughout the entire time making this picture, because there was very little effort, if any, playing their characters.

But there is a little bit of good in the film. Carla Gugino plays a female detective who sleeps with Turk, other detectives, cops, and firemen. She gives the film a little bit of light humor when needed, but otherwise she is just there so there could be a woman character in the cast. John Leguizamo and Donnie Wahlberg do a good job together, but they are forgotten about in the end and it is like that they weren’t even part of the film. And I learned something while watching this film too – Robert De Niro cannot only dress up as a gay pirate, but he can play BASEBALL too!

The end of the film features Al Pacino and Robert De Niro sitting opposite each other, doing nothing but talking. A few weeks ago, I watched a film where there was nothing but people sitting opposite each other and doing nothing but talking. That film was called “12 Angry Men,” and Christ if that isn’t one of the greatest movies, if not the greatest, of all-time. It worked so well because the characters were realistic and they were worth cheering for. When I watched “12 Angry Men,” I sat through 100 minutes of nothing but talking and it went by like that. In that end scene alone, I sat through fifteen minutes of nothing but talking and it went by like one-hundred.

Isn’t that when you just got to say STOP?

NEXT REVIEW: Next week I’m tackling two of the most overrated people working in comedy today – Dane Cook in “My Best Friend’s Girl” and Ricky Geravis in “Ghost Town.” I could enjoy at least ONE of them, correct? (No idea what review for what movie is coming first, but just come back next Sunday to read them.)